TwiddlyBits' Sex Blog

Hello TwiddlyBits:

I came across your website and decided to seek your opinion regarding safe practices to follow when living the non-exclusive sexual lifestyle. I am a male, 48 years old.

I understand that the Red Cross requires a year's worth of abstinence prior to taking a blood test for AIDS. In this day and age, how can I find a woman with that much self-control? Am I therefore forced to use some sort of barrier to 'safely' have oral sex with a woman? Further, do I have to hope that the condom I will be using remains perfectly intact while having intercourse with her? Is there significantly less risk of disease transmission by a woman and I just masturbating each other when compared to our having intercourse?

I am boundlessly thankful that I have not had to deal with venereal diseases or AIDS. However, I am interested in checking out what the non-exclusive sexual lifestyle has to offer. I just want to be as sure as possible that any woman I am with has a squeaky-clean health status.

What are your suggestions regarding this matter? What health precautions do you and your husband take as a result of following this lifestyle?

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

But here's the thing. I'm getting maybe 200 hits a day from your site, which suggests you must be getting thousands of hits from others -- and *you're not even posting that much!"

It took me awhile to read 21-months of posts to make sure that I was not asking anything that had already been answered in a post, but it was a very enjoyable read. I have also included a bonus question that is especially appropriate considering how X-rated some of the posts are.

Actually I think we did already answer that way back on August 14, 2003. Granted, it's part of the "backstory" to that post, but it's there.

To provide a little more detail, Dangly has said that he had "poly experience" when he was younger (I'm trying to get him to write about that one - making out at his girlfriend's house with his gf's friend while his gf plays piano so that her mom doesn't overhear!), and I did, too!

It all happened after I read "Stranger in a Strange Land" as well as some other Heinlein books & realized that his philosophy of love & sex - that love isn't about "owning" anybody, but about actually loving them, and that sex is not dirty, but is a Good Thing that can even be shared with more than one person at a time - really struck a chord in me. Thereafter, I dated (and slept with) multiple men concurrently - although I had never had a "three-way" or anything like that.

That all abruptly stopped when I met my first husband & he demanded monogamy. Stupid me, I should have gotten out of the relationship then, but I had other baggage that kept me in it & we ended up being married for 9 years, during which time my personality was squashed and stunted.

Hurray for Dangly who has let me be ME! We enjoy being non-exclusive - we both enjoy hearing about the other's exploits &/or sharing in them ourselves.

Hmmm, I can take this question either of two ways:
a) Will we CHOOSE to become monogamous; or
b) Do we envision a time when, through circumstances, we might be "FORCED" to be monogamous?

To answer a): As of right now, I don't foresee a time when we will CHOOSE to become monogamous. We're having too much fun this way! Yes there are issues that come up periodically, but we actually talk about them - we've shared some of that here in the blog, too.

To answer b): Maybe. Maybe as I get older, men will be less interested in me & my "extramarital exploits" will taper off, thereby "forcing" monogamy upon us. Of course, most of my "exploits" have been with people who were already dear friends - and so maybe not!

If you had asked me that a year ago, I might have answered "anal sex", but I'm much more comfortable with the idea of that now, so I guess I'd have to say, "No".

Nope, no kids. We have no plans to have children, either - I had my tubes tied over 4 years ago. Why? Just don't want them; I've never really wanted them. (Honestly, has nothing to do with sex - I've just never felt "maternal".)

I honestly can't think of a single thing I'd change about him. I never dreamed I could be this compatible with anyone - especially after my first marriage (my first husband & I argued *constantly*). Believe it or not, we've never had an argument in almost 4 years of marriage. Disagreements, yes, but they've been civil & have been resolved via discussion not raised voices. I am so incredibly happy with Dangly. He's perfect!

Ooh, good question! Yes, we know and are friends with less open minded people who would disapprove of our activities. If one of them discovered this blog (and not because they're involved in the same things!) and somehow managed to figure out who we were, I would hope they'd be willing to discuss it with us & hear our side of things.

I would least like business associates of mine to know of the blog. One of Dangly's former co-workers found the blog on his own, but that's because he's in "The Lifestyle", too, so it was all good.

We do have friends who know of our activities, even if they don't practice similar things themselves. We also have friends who know of the blog and do practice similar things, or would like to.